Constantly battering your self-esteem by allowing your mind to mull excessively on your mistakes, feelings of mediocrity, thoughts of inadequacy, second-guesses, inactivity, self-degradation, anger, unforgiveness and self-defeating talks. These lies you tell yourself- they are like blinders, aren’t they? And you know they are not true, but somehow, you feel at home in the company of 2- yourself & misery.
You do not want to appear weak; you hate being ignored, don’t want to display your ignorance, feel you don’t need help, believe you are much better than them, don’t extend your gratitude, think that it is their fault and not yours, that they are wrong, and you are right. Your ego on constant display makes you feel safe from an imposed ‘elevated’ sense of self. You know this is unhealthy, but it gives a false sense of security and makes you feel powerful.
It has got to be all about you, isn’t it? You rarely extend yourself to serve others, you dominate conversations because you love the sound of your voice a tad too much, you really cannot be bothered about what is important to them, everyone is a threat to you, you have to be the best at everything, everyone owes you but, you owe no one anything, you are just so entitled to everything, no one can teach or tell you anything because you know it all and, you are quick to be critical of others. Deep down in your soul, a voice that you have relegated to the abyss of your heart tells you this is not the way to live, but who cares? You feel you are way ahead of others anyway.
Do you realise that the lies, ego, and pride feed into your subpar way of living? Getting this comfortable in your own warm pool of deception and mirage of sanity takes up a lot of energy. You will need to find a way of being of value to others, living beyond just yourself, being a virtuous individual, and changing your behaviour to align with more noble and positive values. There is no better way to live than to tell yourself the truth, abate your ego and tame your pride.
Wishing you all the best on the path of self-empathy!