I’m talking about those conversations with me, self, and I. You know those full-on chats no one else is privy to, the dialogues you have with yourself when driving, in the queues, in the shower, just before you sleep, seconds after you are awake, when doing the dishes, or sitting in a work meeting.
These are often never spoken out loud, but always with yourself in the spaces of your heart and mind. And it does not matter whether you are alone or in a crowded, noisy place. You still have them. Yes, those!
Sometimes they are questions, and sometimes they are musings. They can get wispy-.e.g. what will I have for dinner, what movie should I watch on a Sunday night etc. Other times they get deep. Like what will happen to my kids if I die? Will I make it to the age of 50? What if I sleep tonight and never wake up? Will I grow old broke? Will I ever get married? Will I beat this illness? Is this person good for me, etc.?
These monologues are not always morbid. They get buoyant too. I see them as a tapestry of many emotions that bring deep-seated, conscious, and unconscious sentiments to the surface. It’s a case of your mind speaking louder than everything else. They are ‘Stop Signs’ for me- because those monologues offer the opportunity to relax, get honest with myself, and course-correct (in cases where I have veered off my path). They are also cathartic because I get to be the 2nd person who sees myself outside of myself, and I talk to myself objectively. The funny thing is that these monologues are often rejuvenating, serving as a catalyst for making decisions, at least for me.
What makes it funnier is that I look forward to these monologue sessions, because the world is so noisy.
I hope I don’t sound crazy, but if you have read up to this point, I guess you can relate. Fortunately for you, if you cannot, you are clearly in a class of your own. But if you do, what do you do when you experience these moments? What benefits do these moments offer you? Are you afraid of these conversations, or do you look forward to them? What has been the most enlightening outcome of such moments?